Saturday, March 10, 2007

Things I learned from watching The 300

  • Women don't generally talk.
  • Queens/wives/mothers don't get names.
  • Shouting platitudes can apparently get people to do really desperate things.
  • Dark skinned people are eeeeevil!
  • Nose rings are eeeeeevil!
  • Girls who sleep together are eeeeevil!
  • Eeeeevil kings will wear girlie makeup!
  • (and I can be totally jealous of whatever the hell was on his lips!)
  • Dark skinned girls will sleep together.
  • And be eeeeeevil!
  • Any men who do not have sculpted (and perhaps, just perhaps, cgi'd) abs are pussy weakliartraitors.
  • Hey also: blackmailing a woman into sex isn't rape!
  • Ancient Greeks, especially Spartans, had really great dental plans.
  • Persians, not so much.
  • No, seriously, those Greeks? For the most part: really white, straight, clean teeth. With fillings.
  • Any society that accepts imperfection: eeeeeevil!
  • Facial piercings: eeeeeeevil!
  • Also: when it comes to movies I might enjoy, a craptastic script rife with cliched dialogue, homophobia, xenophobia and misogyny cannot make up for visually stunning cinematography. Apparently I need some there there.

(For those who wondered: yes, there is only one woman who has any lines at all in this movie, and she doesn't get a name. Oh, wait, there's the adolescent "oracle" who gets to show some tit and whisper some ancient Greek, but she doesn't get a name either. Or, y'know, a personality. Just a tit and some cool cinematography.)

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