Thursday, February 28, 2008

Wherein I whine like a big whiny thing.

Today has been a rough day.

Warning: TMI may follow.

Don't get me wrong--every day I'm pregnant has been miraculous and shiny and angels regularly fly out of my butt to sprinkle me with starshine and licorice. Yay, pregnant. We wanted to be here so bad, we cried so often about not being here, so we are really happy dammit to be here dammit yes happy!

But in the meantime, between angel-rectal interaction, I hurt. Walking, standing up, sitting down, going up stairs, putting on underwear, rolling over in bed, did I mention walking? and whenever I move, I feel like a wee tiny knife the size of a meat cleaver is stabbing me in my clitoral region. Which is just as fun as it sounds.

It comes and it goes, and some days are better than others. I talked to my doctor about it and Dr. Cutey McSporty referred me to physical therapy. I've started doing that twice a week in the therapy pool which dear heavens why did no one tell me the beautiful majesty of getting in a pool???? For that half-hour, I am pregnant without pain. The downside is the slloooow climb out of the pool, and that one step where The Belly must emerge and reacquaint itself with that pesky gravity shit. But in the meantime, I don't feel like a beached whale that will never walk again, so it's rejeuvenating.

I've also found this real angel (not one of my butt angels) who specializes in pre-natal massage, and for that french-lavendar-scented hour, my mind can wander along white sandy beaches to the tunes of Enya. The loose-limbed feeling even lasts for a couple days.

But then, inevitably, it comes back. The other teachers at school--for some odd torturous reason--get great glee in pointing out that I waddle, and in fact, they've been pointing it out since Christmas which is beyond awesome. And yes, I do waddle. That is because most days, from my boobs downward, I am a tightly wound solid muscle of pain.

It comes and it goes, this knife-to-the-hoo-ha fun. Today, though--today's been a bad day.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Things I don't get or: Modern Education

So, our boys team reached state. Which, of course, necessitated a whole school assembly with much cheering and hooting and light show and band shenanigans. Oh, and! You could get excused from school today to go watch the team play! At 10:30 a.m.! Because clearly, they are students first and athletes second! And how better to show these athletes that! First, by scheduling the game at 10:30 on a Wednesday morning, then by excusing half the student body!

JV team--well, yeah, gotta go. Band? Gotta go! Support them boys! Dance team? Gotta go! Cheerleaders, of course! And then--boosters! Gotta go!

Call me old-fashioned, but I really really think that if you are failing any classes at all, you should absolutely not be excused from school to go watch. I told my AP class that they are welcome to figure out their own priorities--that's what growing up is all about--but I wasn't going to slow class down any at all just because they wanted to go watch basketball and homework was still due Thursday, period, full stop, end of story. Because that's how college works, too. But I feel the same way about my sophomores too.

I don't get these parents who are all, sure, go! to Seattle! With 100 other unchaperoned teenagers! GREAT IDEA!

Yep, I'm gonna be one of those parents.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Watching the Oscars

Look, it's just like that movie we watched.

What movie?

You know, the one with the girl from Poltergeist.

The girl from Poltergeist?

No, wait. The girl from the alien movie.

Sigorney Weaver?

No, the little girl.

ET? Drew Barrymore?

Yeah! Where she takes the old man to the Oscars!

Where she...? WHAT? No. We've never seen a movie like that.

Oh, oh, I'll wait. I'll wait until you remember it and then tell me I'm right.

I swear, hon, we've never seen a movie like that.

You know, you know, the one where she goes on vacation? mean The Vacation?

Ah ha! You see? Now come on, say it...

What, that you're right?

Ah ha! You see?

Well, except that Drew Barrymore's not in it, and there's no Oscars, but yes, you're right, there IS a blond girl who walks with an old man... but other than that...

Drew Barrymore's not in it?


Then who is?

Kate Winslet and Cameron Diaz.

Not Drew Barrymore?


And they don't go to the Oscar's?

Not really, no.

Um, oh.

But other than that, hon, you were totally right.

Ah ha!

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Flickr update

Gutter bird
Originally uploaded by karijean
Updated pics on Flickr, yo.

A few are marked private, for friends and family only, so if you are one of those two groups and I haven't marked you as friend or family, drop me a note and I'll fix that.

In this Flickr update--I got a brand spankin' new camera for my birthday and it is sweet. So I'm just taking pictures of, y'know, stuff. And the lunar eclipse.

Be warned--there's also belly pics on there. I'm not posting them here, because for years, belly pics just made me kind of want to cry a little bit, no matter how happy I was for someone. So I guess I didn't want to, y'know, surprise anyone with that. But I also don't want this to go undocumented. And there've been requests. So. Yeah.

I'm feeling strangely vulnerable...

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

And you mean...

Him: So... how'd your doc's appointment go, babe?

Me: Oh, it was good. It was good.

Set your date yet?

Next time, next appointment.

How about your blood tests?

Oh! Yeah, so you remember how tired I've been? And I started taking the iron supplements? Even with the supplements and my prenatals, I had an iron level of 34.2. Apparently, 34 is the borderline of anemic. So, you know, no wonder I was so tired!

So maybe that would explain your attitude!

And I... what?

Um... nothing?

My attitude? What...?

I'll just be down here doing the laundry!

Monday, February 18, 2008

Baby Crazy

Juno: loved it, loved it, loved it.

But not, I think, why everyone else loved it. Yes, Ellen Page? Total cutie, and I would have totall wanted to be her friend in high school but would have been way to shy to think that I could be amusing enough to hang with her. And I love JK Simmons and Allison Janney.

But what grabbed me was Jennifer Garner and Justin Bateman as the would-be adoptive parents.

Shocker, I know. I hope you were sitting down on that one.

There was a review that I had read that talked about them and the words from the review that stuck with me--I can't even remember the context now, but they had called them "immature". But I never got that feeling. And I can't tell you how relieved I am about that.

The childless couple--the baby-crazy would-be mama--is really easy to parody, to have a pre-made image in your head about what they are going to be like. For instance, Tina Fey's new movie, Baby Mama. Which might make me throw up a little in my mouth. But my friends and family have done it, too. One asked me last summer, "So, are you, like, totally baby crazy, now?" And I've never thought of myself that way. And yet, I still answered yes. Not because I'm baby crazy--I wasn't buying baby clothes in preparation (and, oddly enough, I'm still not) or yplanning baby things or even trying on imaginary baby names--but just because I wanted one, constantly. Like a constant soundtrack in a movie, that desire was just always there. But I couldn't explain that at the time, in the noisy bar we were in, how that is, but it isn't, baby crazy.

The Jennifer Garner character reminded me of that. Of that really delicate balance you try to maintain, that game face that's almost always on, that doesn't deny your desire but also can't really let the full impact of it show. But how it sneaks out, at times. And how that's mistaken for blindness/baby crazy/immaturity. I was well impressed with the movie, how the sort of complexity of her desire wasn't simplified to snark or slapstick or pathos.

I've been thinking about it a lot because recently I've been sort of backhandedly(really, not so backhandedly) called "crazy" for the path we took to expand our family and I can't shake it. I can't shake how much it hurt to have months of agonizing about decisions, each new decision a new path of "Should we do this?" soul searching between me and Andrew, reduced to "crazy". I guess I'd not be surprised by that comment from a stranger who hadn't ever talked to me, but that's not the case here. I feel like a movie had more empathy for how unfriendly conception can be, and how personal the process is, than a friend.

In the end, I guess, it's a mindframe no one understand unless they are open to it. Blessed are they who try.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

It's like a far-away jail for clothes that are bad--they just need to learn their lesson before they are bailed out

Hello, is this Kari?

Yes, this is she...

Hi, this is the dry cleaners down the street. We have some of your clothes.

You do? Thinking furiously about when the hell was the last time I tool anything in to be dry cleaned???

Yes. Pause. From August 2006.

There's the answer to that question, then... I can just come get it then?

That would be good.

My husband will be right there.

From the back of the house He most certainly will not!

Thanks. We'll have them waiting. They're already paid for, if that helps.

Thanks for calling.

Turns out, it was two things of Andrew's. But I guess I still can't blame this on pregnancy brain.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless LGVX9900 device.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

How I know he loves me

What's more, how I know he knows me. Behold, a surprise valentine's day gift.

After, I might point out, we had agreed not to spend any money on Valentine's day. One day, I'll actually remember that whenever Andrew makes me promise that, he's totally lying.

Monday, February 11, 2008

This, from a counselor.

Are you having twins, is that why you're so huge?

Saturday, February 09, 2008

How lazy am I?

Onion 1
Originally uploaded by karijean
So, that cooking thing? Hasn't gone so well this week. Last weekend was full, wall to wall. Then Monday I had to work late, Tuesday I was in training until 4 and then went to class; Wednesday I had a geek squad meet (they won, natch!) that WE hosted so I didn't leave school until almost 7, so by Thursday I was almost paralyzed with pain. Walking--don't make me laugh, I might spit up. Standing made me feel like I was going to split apart in a viscerally painful way.

So, yeah, we've had to cancel the hippie box until further notice. I can buy our fresh veggies as needed.

lazy post

Dude. My favorite ad. I stop to watch it whenever I'm fast-forwarding on my DVR.

And then, part two.

Love them. Love them both.