Dear Mr. and Ms. Weathercaster and the entire Weather.com family of networks,
The PNW cannot deal with snow. They cannot deal with the idea of snow. Unless it's safely up a mountain and then they snowboard. But snow? In driveways???? GOOD GOD MAN STOCK UP ON WATER AND HUNKER DOWN!
Make those Pacific Northwesterners teenagers and tell them that it might maybe just possibly snow this weekend, maybe, and it's like you sprinkled magic fairy dust on everyone and then pulled a unicorn out of your ass. Work? Homework? Reading? Math? HAVEN'T YOU HEARD IT MIGHT SNOW? WOMAN! HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO WORK IF IT MIGHT SNOW???
So on behalf of teachers throughout Northern California, Oregon, and Washington, I have a small request: if you think it might snow at anything less than 1000 feet of altitude, can you keep it to yourself? Until it actually does start snowing? Because now, whether or not we have a "snow" day on Monday (which we might very well even if it doesn't snow because even the scent of snow is enough to call off school), I humbly predict 80% of my students will not have done their homework. BECAUSE IT MIGHT SNOW.