Hopey.

I haven't been writing much because most of my entries would have gone like this:

"OhmigodwhatwasIthinking!"

I've been nervous, so so SO nervous, that I've bitten off more than I could chew this year. I'm teaching AP Statistics and dear Lord, there's so much involved with this that my eyes are turning into dizzying little pinpricks. I've been trying not to think about it, because every time I do, I get this Queasy Stomach of Impending Doom. Students come back on Tuesday and I had really anticipated being so much better prepared than I am. I mean, really. I had planned on planning out the entire year this summer.

Instead, I've seen all of season 1 of The Closer, of Grey's Anatomy, and of Battlestar Galactica. Not to mention, kept up entirely with Project Runway and all of the reruns of Law and Order: Criminal Intent.

This week, the teachers returned. The first week teachers go back is a week that's half filled with BS anyway. Defining vision statements. Naming goals that will never be revisited. Learning a new attendance policy that will subsequently be ignored. The usual politics. (Hence my original plan to set up my lessons over the summer. Sigh.) And for the past two days, that has been what the days are like. I haven't exactly been focused myself. The time where we are allowed to work on instructional planning, I've been dizzy trying to set up my room, figure out where I am, and I've been so overwhelmed with the start of the new year that it's hard to settle down and finish something through to completion.

I've made lists. Copies To Be Made. Things to Find Out (can students download calculator stuff from school computers? Where can students get free tutoring?). Things I'd Buy For My Classroom If I Had Money. What Lists Do I Need To Make. Where Have I Put All My Lists. That kind of thing. I'm a listomaniac. Listaphiliac. Whatever.

But today, I've gotten the feeling that this can happen. Maybe it was finally submitting my first worksheets to the Print Shop. Maybe it was finally getting down on paper my first week's lesson plans. Getting things revved up to go, I feel like--this is happening. And I'll be fine. Or, if not fine, at least unfine for a limited time.

So, if I'm not hopeful, I'm at least hopey. In a conservative, estimated kind of way.