Must. Stay. Awake.

Our brokeassedness is a direct result of piling a whole shit-ton of our money (plus a generous Parental Loan) into the Amazing Holy Heaven of Second Floors. We have a nirvana for a second floor. I couldn't be happier about how gorgeous it is, the potential, once we can afford to maybe shop at garage sales and thrift stores again, those rooms hold to be filled with unique and tasty furniture in an-of-course-impeccable taste.

And yet. I cannot sleep well.

Maybe it's the weirdness of sleeping on the second floor, something I haven't done in a few years. Maybe it's the new matress, a humongous birthday cake confection of engineering miracluatude. Maybe it's that we now face East, or that the air is thinner, or that it's fall, or. What-the-fuck-ever, I'm not goddamned sleeping. And can you tell? I'm sick of it.

First it was not falling asleep, which, well, awesome. But, see, me being a school teacher meant I could cheat on that a little bit, because I had fuck-all to get up for, so, well, I wouldn't. Then it was waking up in the middle of the night, but again, see the phrase above that contains "fuck-all." Oh, and naps rock, and are fun, and easy.

Now, however, my body and brain are uniting to put me through hell. Because, see, I'm a teacher, and it's fall. Which means I have to haul my ass out the front door at, oh, 6:30 or so. That'd be ante meridien. As in ay-mother-fucking-em. So I can't cheat. And now my body and brain are saying, well, self? Even if you manage to fall asleep, we are going to wake up! With perpetual brain motion! At 3:30! And then we'll keep thinking! And thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking and... then it'll be 4! And then 4:30! And we won't let you give up hope of falling back asleep until 5:41, at which time you'll realize that even if you fell back asleep, it wouldn't even count as a nap because you need to get up in less than twenty minutes!

And then! Exclamation point! I get to go to work where I had a meeting on the attendance policy and then one on our new technology, and then one on the school internet, and then one on senior projects, and then one on AP classes, and then one on geometry and then! It was 3:00 p.m. and I could go!

I'm determined to stay awake and not nap so that when I go to bed, a dried-up husk of my former self, I will actually fall asleep and then maybe I can stay asleep and then maybe the millions of little tiny worms that are boring tunnels into my brain will leave and I can think without hurting again. Maybe.