Saturday, August 05, 2006

Yay. I can do this. Considering the procedure I had was a lot like having a Caesarian--and as a result, I will probably have to have a Caesarian should I become pregnant--I've been thinking a lot of thoughts like, "How the hell would I go through this recovery if I had an infant as well????" Standing makes me light-headed, I haven't pooped since Wednesday morning, and laughing and/or crying makes me cry--literally, which, as you might imagine, is a bit of a paradoxical problem.

The low point is realizing you can't sit at the dinner table because it hurts so much--but getting up to leave the dinner table hurts too much to move, and you feel the tears start gathering but you don't want to cry because you know it will hurt, and everyone, well meaning, just sits there staring at you stricken because they want to help but don't know how, so you start crying and it just hurts.

But then. I took a shower this morning. It's amazing what washing your hair for the first time since Tuesday can do for your outlook.

I rolled over in my sleep last night and it didn't wake me up.

I can almost stand up straight without crying.

And I haven't even been home twenty four hours yet.

I can totally do this.

We rented a wheelchair yesterday so that I can go out today--just around the neighborhood, there's a fair down the street--because walking is still a slow and agonizing process. I think going out will do a lot for my outlook too.

Plus, Emily has promised to talk loudly in her mommy voice. "Use your words," she says. "Oh, very good!" I promised to gesticulate wildly and perhaps drool a bit. Mom wants to tie balloons to the chair.

We're all going to hell. That part is helping my outlook as well.

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