Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Summer Flushing, Happened So Faaaast

Before I forget, I have to pass on to you some dude's hilarious flickr sets:

Totally hilarious TV commentary, and touring a thrift store.

My sister sent them to me, and if you're bored, they're worth the funny.

So, summer's rolling along. There's, like, a month left and I'm feeling like I let myself down a little. I had all these great plans, but since we're Brokey McBrokiest right now, ambitious plans (relandscape the backyard! build shit in the basement! travel!) fell by the wayside. Our attic isn't even done being done, and it's been EIGHT FREAKING FRACKING MONTHS. Our big Family Time this weekend was going out and buying lamps and sconces and faucets and toilets.

Seriously, it's hard shit (ha!) buying toilets because jeans? I know how to shop for jeans. Shoes, jackets, even hats. Cars, shopping for cars makes me nervous but I basically know what to do. Houses, even! I can shop for dogs, I can shop for microwaves, but who the hell ever learns how to shop for a toilet? Quick, without googling anything, what do YOU think the average price of a toilet is? You have NO IDEA, do you? Of course not! Now, quick: do you want a one-piece or a two-piece toilet (they come in PIECES???)? Round bowl or elongated bowl? No, wait, there's more choices to make, and these choices only come out once you go to Home Despot or Lowest or whereverthehell you go because you sit there staring and the rows of toilets--and aside from color, because hey, that's ONE choice I can make--you stare slack jawed at dozens and dozens of toilets and think, well, what makes the $100 toilet different from the $500 toilet? And that's without going to the Fancy Pantsy Plumbing Place (you didn't even KNOW they had those, did you?) and learning that those you saw are Baby Toilets! Toilets with Training Wheels! Oh, you could spend a couple GRAND on a toilet, like one that blows warm air on your girlie bits or those ones that look like hatboxes and only belong in Julia Louis-Dreyfus's house in Christmas Vacation right next to the neon-bubble palm tree and so I'd never feel comfortable with that staring at me at 3 a.m. after too much wine.


So, yeah, we bought a toilet. (And FYI: we did it by going to Consumer Reports and saying, "Consumer Reports? Yeah, we'd really like a toilet that (a) flushes everything on one go and (2) won't break very much? Couldja help us out? Thankyeeeewwww!"). And it flushes, and it's white and it took waaaaay too long.

And THAT is how exciting my summer has been, Chez Whole Nother Day.

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